Dear God what is the problem?? Why do I spend moments, and not just a few moments, but lots and lots of moments with my face leaking?
For you strong people that are professional criers – you, my friends, are blessed with the ability to embrace the act and emotions that come with this face leaking process. That important skill is not one that I have learned.
For me – crying is like cutting my own hair – I am not good at it and the results are terrible.
So what is it? How does one embrace this purge of emotions that truly, should be a positive release of things that are festering and harbouring space in my heart.
The reality of crying (darn face leaking)
It seems that from a medical perspective crying has been around as long as humans, and even animals have a sadness mode similar to humans. But why? Why do we need to cry? Dr. Hasson explaind the basic nature of crying and why it happens to all of us.
His research, published recently in Evolutionary Psychology, investigates the different kinds of tears we shed — tears of joy, sadness and grief — as well as the authenticity or sincerity of the tears. Crying, Dr. Hasson says, has unique benefits among friends and others in our various communities.
So now we know how it works, but how do we embrace it? Why can I NOT use this as power? Instead, crying is like the ocean waves – little by little the castle walls and beach front are being eroded with that power.
And I am worried about what will be left in it’s place.
I have been faced lately with some pretty hard hits to my personal reality. Our personal reality is that persona that we think we project to others. In our space and world, it is the face we present to those that we see each day; it is the personality that resides in our soul. It is the essence that is shrink-wrapped around us.
I am no fool – I have been told many times by trusted individuals that sometimes what I think that I project is NOT how I am seen. For example, I have a hard core resting bitch face. I own that. When a patient asks if I am angry with them, I need to re-calibrate when I realize that concentration brought out THAT face.
I work hard to remember that.
Awareness of a fast talking, fast paced, rapid fire speech pattern can be seen as aggressive, loud and annoying. I can take that, I own it, and I work on it.
How to find a better place
So here we are with me (and I am sure you sometimes as well) owning what I think are my big flaws; the ones that we work on.
But how to embrace hit after hit from others in a professional circle (which for me means three different circles of work) has been impossible to reconcile. I do not see myself as selfish, mean, or not embracing change. I LIKE change. Movement forward, whether that is professional, personal or physical, is powerful.
The question is then how to work to improve relationships when your inner voice says “you got this, keep going, this will be great” but the outside input is that you are not worthy? That you are not a team player? That you are not good enough to be part of this team?
(Insert more face leaking)
I am one that goes to ground when I get to many hard hits to my soul. I may be tough on the outside, but even I can only take so much before I begin to wonder what my purpose is. When I arrive at this place, I look for others to help walk through where the gaps in my understanding may be.
In a recent post by Greta Thornbory she listed several things that can assist us all in these intense situation:
- Avoidance – not the best solution as it avoids resolution
- Accommodation – agreeing to keep the peace
- Compromise – meeting in the middle
- Authoritarian – win-lose with the leader
- Collaboration – accept there is conflict and work through it
I embrace each of these, as I am sure that you can relate to them as well. We have all been in each of these places, and sometimes, one is more approriate than the other.
Today I am going to wallow a bit longer in what I see as a personal failure. The harsh reality of face leaking and the inability to figure out what the derailment is with communication in my world is defintely high priority.
I am just not sure where to start…
What do YOU think?