It is time to move on.
I am lying in bed wishing I was asleep. The sun is shining right in my face which makes sleep elusive. But to me, sunshine is a healing joy, and I really don’t need sleep right now. I’ll enjoy the sunshine instead.
I went to the doctor yesterday and was cleared to return to work next week. I didn’t expect anything less. This wasn’t a major procedure and there should be a good outcome.
But you never know.
Even with all of the drama and fear associated with the last year of cancer treatment and emergency surgeries and procedures, I have not lost my optimistic internal clock. Those around me seem to worry so much more than I ever do – worry was something I gave up a long time ago when I embraced the understanding that I have very little control of anything other than myself.
I learned that how I react to life around me is fully within my control.
The rest? Not so much.
Giving up control (the control I never truly had anyway) was the hardest and easiest thing I have ever done.
Being at ease with my life allows me to look ahead and move on with life in a much more purposeful way than before. Yes, I still have a surgery looming in the fall. Yes, there are still many doctor visits in my future. Yes, pain is probably going to stick around for a while.
But as I said before, I get to control how I face and react to all of these parts of my life.
So I chose to move on. Move on with life plans, summer plans, kid plans and family plans.
There will be interruptions I am sure, but bringing my center back to health and life will only improve my mental health and well-being.
And that’s always been the goal.
Moving on now. Going to stay here and hang out in my sun puddle for a bit.
Then it’s time to find my gardens.