Some days I have no idea why I still blog – I just wonder if the purpose, which was to update everyone on Frank and how he was doing, is over and it is time for this to be over. Life certainly hasn’t returned to the way it was, but I don’t believe that it ever will.
Life for us is what we are living now.
Life at 28 months post a brain injury looks different for each of us in the Mackall family. For Frank, life continues to be something different from what he wants. Although he spends time volunteering for St. Paul PD and the Twin stadium, he isn’t back at work helping people and protecting his city, and that is what he wants.
For the rest of us, life has moved on, but still is noticeably different – reactions to small things is often out of proportion, worrying about late arrivals, small injuries and changes in schedule that cause distress have become a norm that we deal with every day. As a parent, you become very attune to the new fears and worries that your children can exhibit when dealing with secondary PTSD. Thankfully we work with a great group of people that can help us to work through the symptoms and concerns that come with a life experience such as this one.
Someone told me the other day that they always watch my posts to see where I am going next and what I am doing. I guess from the outside this ever changing and shifting life of mine must look crazy – I don’t relish the crazy part of it, but I do enjoy the fact that I am able to focus on the kids and Frank while trying to figure out what I should be doing and where I should go next.
Starting my Life Coaching business has been a part of that transition for me and I really enjoy meeting new people. When someone allows you to walk with them on their life journey it is truly a blessing, and I am lucky to be able to do this in my new life journey. Being my own boss is interesting, and learning new things is always good.
My message for today is to never give up – I know that sometimes life can be unfair, delivering blow after blow, and when you think you have finally had enough, something else happens. It is hard to walk through the shadows of the day, and to find a reason to keep on looking ahead. I know – I sure do understand how that feels and what it looks like; I have been there. Sometimes it takes noticing the smallest thing in the day to bring some light – a pretty flower, a great smell, a hug, a kindness, or the sunlight – whatever it is, hold it close to you. If you can find the small things in the day that bring joy, the larger things will become visible over time.
Patience is a difficult word to heed when life seems too hard – find the small joys so that the larger ones can find you.