It is one of those nights when I am unsure of the nature of the blog. It is Saturday night, quiet with one kiddo in bed, and the dogs lying exhausted on the floor. Mariah and I are comparing music on our iPod’s, and I am clearly not good about adding music to my playlist. I love music, all kinds, but apparently I forget to add to my iPod. It is time for me to pay attention to the radio in the cat and add some music to my lists – I have to have something to run to, since I really do plan to run again sometime soon.
The lake is finally coming alive again after the very long winter. The ice has sunk to the bottom of the lake, the eagles are flying around near the water, and the boats are driving into the cove again. It is finally beginning to feel like summer may arrive someday soon – not soon enough if you ask me. I think everyone could use the sunshine and the warmth of the sun on our face for a good long while.
Frank headed down to the quiet level of the house to take a break – those much needed breaks that help recharge the batteries of his brain. Quiet time, the bringer of energy, is so important to his every day well-being. Frank has incorporated these breaks into his typical day – he knows better than all of us that a break a day keeps the crabbiness away.
That and daily trips to the gym.
Life for all of us is starting to settle in to some routines – the kids are almost done with school, and once finished, we will work to schedule in some family activities. I hope that we can establish some running mornings for all of us; running has been a part of each of our lives separately, and now it is time to add it to our lives together.
I commented to Frank recently that he seems to be “clearer” these days. That is very hard to quantify, especially since I work very hard to not test or measure how he is doing on activities. He just seems to have clicked forward somehow; thoughts are faster, speech is clearer, and tasks are completed with more ease. I find that when we are together more, I have a harder time figuring out where he is functioning, and sometimes I think that may not be a bad thing. It is another one of those times I find it hard to keep myself in the wife role instead of the caregiver role.
I need to work really hard to stay in the wife role.
As we transition into summer, and we are home together, it will be important for us to spend time together, and apart. One of my goals, starting tomorrow, is to spend time doing the things that I easily neglect when I am living in the chaos. Things that I love but drop the second life gets too busy, too hard, or too much.
Time to bring my gardens back to life, to spend time in the dirt, bringing something else that I love back to life. I am grateful for the time that I will have to spend trying to put things back together in our yard, and in our life. That time to slow things way down, and allow quiet into my soul, is the best way that I know how to breathe again.
And breathing has been so hard for so long now, some days I have to work really hard to just stop, tilt my face to the sunshine, and breathe.
Tomorrow will be one of those days.