I am grateful for a few moments this morning to sit still and not think about all that I have to do. I sometimes worry about how fast time goes, and at other moments, I think that the day will never end. I have been very aware of my over-extension lately, and although I am a little sad, I am looking forward to reducing the complications of my universe by stepping away from work. I know that this step will allow me to breathe in the morning, and not worry so much about what I am not getting done.
I got a lecture this week from our family therapist. Well, maybe not a real lecture, but another stab at making me more aware of the lack of self-care that I provide myself. During my presentations, I talk about the concept of self-care, taking care of not only your family, but yourself as well. If I am really luck, no one will ask me how I am doing.
Unfortunately, someone usually does ask the question, “How are you?”
I wish that I could be more truthful when I answer that question. I don’t lie, but true honest on that topic is hard to admit. Things are difficult; each day has new hard challenges. Sometimes at the end of the day I wonder if I have done anything to help Frank, or the kids. But I never ask myself that question.
When I don’t do any self care, I eventually crash. Usually pretty hard. Just like the last three weeks being so sick, not able to recover as I usually do, and just plowing through life to get things done.
It was my final fail; this sickness that has made me step back again and realize that I cannot keep trying to do everything, that it was time to figure out what can give, and what has to stay.
When I started to look at my life, it became pretty obvious what needed to give, although it is pretty unconventional. Family – doesn’t give. Frank’s recovery – doesn’t give. Work – flexible, just needs to change. So I chose to leave work. Not conventional, but it was the only thing left that I had that I could change and still feel like I could survive.
The relief I felt when I said those words out loud was palpable. The days since have been better, and the time spent with Frank have been priceless. Sometimes when you make a decision, and it is the right one, the world around you let’s you know, and congratulates you.
I feel that joy around me these days, realizing that family first is the right choice for us right now. I now know that I need to trust in the world to help take care of us. With spring finally arriving here in Minnesota, it will help all of us relax into the new schedule of Mom home more, and let everyone breathe a bit easier.
Back to breathing. So important to all of us, and so easy to stop doing this. Why is that so hard to do?
New therapy plans for Frank have been added in to the day. Long distance biking and kick boxing are the new plans, with an additional jump back to yoga. Sometimes you have to do things that are not a natural task to make the body heal in different ways.
I also want to let people know that I am aware that there is an email issue right now. If you have tried to email me with no response, please try again, or call or text me at 651-319-1916.