Frank asked me a funny question – “Do you go anywhere without that phone attached to you?” My answer – of course, really? I don’t have my phone with me all the time, its just a phone.
However, it did bring it to my attention. Do I bring my phone with me everywhere? It’s not like I take it to soccer – uh, hmmm. Not in the bathroom – wrong. Next to the bed? Nope. Apparently, I do take my phone with me – everywhere – it is always by my side.
I really did think that I had moved on from my obsessiveness that came out when Frank was first injured – my chair in the ICU, my backpack that I took with me everywhere, and my phone, that I had with me at every moment, in case the hospital needed to reach me. Day or night, it was within reach at all times.
And apparently, it still is…..
I thought about breaking this habit, and it actually gives me a stomach ache to even think of leaving my phone somewhere. It is not as if Frank is not with me 24 hours a day right now. But I can feel the worry even as I write. What if one of the kids needs me? What if something happens and I need to call?
Clearly, thinking that life has returned to normal and I have no residual stress and anxiety is not true. Gardening, shower, car, therapy, soccer – life is busy, but not normal. Maybe never again, but being aware of something makes it easier to change.
But not today, and probably not tomorrow. Ask me in a month.
Darn that Frank for pointing it out.