Spring is finally trying to make its way back to us – I am grateful that we have entered a time of new, not just in the weather but for all of us. New does not mean all is just great, and it is an interesting place to be when what you have wanted brings you to a place of uncertainty.
Frank is finally busy with some things that are truly meaningful to him – helping with a project for St. Paul PD has given him much needed time with law enforcement, and finding volunteer things to do that are meaningful to him has been a long journey. He is able to get out of the house and be around people that make him feel like himself, and that is the biggest gift we could ever have received. Knowing that the BLUE LINE is living strong in people does make you feel proud to be part of the law enforcement family.
For me, this time of change has created uncertainty. Frank is doing what he needs to be doing, which leaves me in a place of not knowing what to do. Trying to create a framework for what my future place may be is hard for me to put together – knowing that I am not supposed worry about what my place will be, and that I need to be present in life and just let it happen is hard for me to do right now. I know that I will find my place; I am just not sure where that place is right now.
This is a busy month of book shows, presentations and client visits, but is that where I am supposed to be? I wonder what this unrest is about; it is interesting to find it here again, and when I do, it is usually cause by me, not by anything external.
If I had to guess, I would bet that my worry right now is that Frank is doing things completely on his own, without me buffering or being there to fill in the spaces. It has been a long road to get here, and as blessed and happy as I am that we are here, it means an end to a very long process for me, which is hard to let go of. This is exactly what I wanted – Frank back and in control of his life – and I am now trying to figure out what to do with mine.
Interesting the changes that continue on this journey; I never would have imagined that we would be here today, and that life would continue to surprise me with the things that cause me worry.