November 18th, 2012

The sun is shining today - there is a hint of warmth in the air, and the sky is a beautiful blue.  It is Sunday, a day that can be restful and useful, if used wisely.

I was recently accused of "undressing in public" by my family - I took that as a compliment, although I think it was meant out of concern and worry.  When I reread the entry that prompted that comment, I can see where it could have been seen as a public flogging, an act of emotional undressing for the world to see.  I get it.

And I will probably at some point do it again.

At the onset of this site, my main goal was to update everyone of Frank's condition and answer questions that people asked each day.  As things progressed, the site became my outlet for the huge emotional rollercoaster that occurred every day while trying to deal with the scary, emotional things that were happening.  Managing life while living in a trauma was hard, and I used this site as a way to cope with those emotions.

I have never been accused of not being honest enough.  Some of my posts may make you uncomfortable, they may make you sad, or thoughtful, or worried.  They may make you reflect on what is happening in your own life, or your own trauma, or your own personal journey.

As I updated people about Frank, I also updated everyone about how we were as a family - what we were doing, the hard parts, the funny parts, the things that made us stop, and look at who were are as a family.  I didn't think it through, this open and honest sharing of our very personal experience, it just happened.

As the weeks have gone by, and I have met with different people at events and meetings, and I realize that by being honest about this experience, it has given others the opportunity to talk honestly about how things are going for them in their own lives.  There are many other people living and dealing with their own trauma, and they share many of the same feelings that I do.  Those feelings, dealt with alone, can be life paralyzing.

No one should have to feel alone and fearful, as if no one in the world understands where you are at that moment.

Because there are many others feeling the same way.

I know, because I have been there.

If being open and honest about how hard this has been, how sad, and lonely, and how at times, feeling that there is nothing anyone can do to help you, helps another person to know that there are people, right here, that understand, then my openness has been worth it.

If one other person realizes that it is okay to trust someone else with these emotions, the fear, the worry - then it has been worth it.

If one other person feels comfortable leaning on another to get through the day - then it has been worth it.

I am certainly not perfect - I know I over-write, over-share, overdo sometimes.  But what is nice is that if you don't want to read about my overindulgence in over-sharing, then you can easily hit the close button on the Caring Bridge site for the day.  Because the one thing you can count on from me is that some day soon, there will be another update, and maybe that one will have the what you are looking for - the Frank update, the family update, or just more of the oversharing by me.

At least I am consistent.

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