Change is a constant - many of us spend our lives waiting for change, hoping for changing, trying to make a change, or praying for a change.
Change happens whether we want it to or not - life is not a linear path, but a continuum of breaks, stops, hitches, do-overs and mistakes. Life often does not follow the path that we envisioned, instead, it covers terrain and obstacles that we never thought were possible. Events and experiences that you never dreamed of launch themselves into your life without notice - and most of us are not prepared.
I wasn't prepared, four years ago today, for life to shift so hard in an unexpected direction. Today, for the fourth time, we mark the date of the before - those frozen moments in time that you wish you could grab back and say "make another choice" or "just slow down." We have gone through those thoughts so many times, it seems like a chore now to even think about that time, because you can never go back.
And truly, what would going back look like?
I have no idea, and no one ever does. Going back might fix one thing, but what about other things? What about all of the things that have happened since that day that were good things? Things that one wouldn't want to lose in a do-over?
I know that for me, looking back is hard. But looking forward is hard too. Marking things off day-to-day does not work when living life - no plans, no goals and no focus create an unsettled, frustrating way to move through a lifetime.
What this means for me is a change in a new direction, and a shift in where my energy is focused.
Today will be my last blog post. I have been writing for almost four years - writing stream of thought, unedited and painful views of a journey that at times almost smothered me with the weight of the words and thoughts that it produced. Nights of unending tears written in ghastly moments of heartbreak and pain. Shadows of hope, windows of time littered with the prayers of strangers and the touch of blue hearts.
I can no longer carry the torch of these thoughts, although plenty of them are waiting in the wings of my mind. This journey for me comes to a crossroads, with my path leading away from this road to another place - and that place is a new home and project called Blue Watch.
Blue Watch (www.bluewatchus.org) is a combined effort of some amazing local law enforcement officers that believe that health and wellness should be a priority for officers, instead of an after-thought. In a cooperative partnership with Regions Hospital and HealthPartners, our goal is to create an easy pathway for our officers to seek help when they need medical, mental health or wellness resources.
For me, creating a pathway for law enforcement to access these resources is a priority - for my partners, their challenge will be engaging their peers in dialogue of change focused on caring for themselves first, so that they can then help others.
This opportunity is a gift, and one that needs personal attention.
I am leaving you in good hands - as I transition out of this blog, a new writer takes the helm. This writer has first hand knowledge of the impact brain injury has had on not just our life, but the lives of so many others in this world that we call friends.
Please welcome Frank Mackall as the new window into the world of brain injury.
God Bless you all - and tonight at 12:59 AM, we click into our New Year, again.