April 29th, 2012

There is a new book out with the title "Fifty shades of Gray."  My understanding is that this is quite the read, and I know many people that have jumped on board to read it.

I have a different perspective on fifty shades of gray - life has made itself lots of gray shades this year.  Each gray has a different feeling, a different purpose or weight, and each one has coated our family in this color.  This may sound sad, but it is really just a variation on the different feelings that we all have right now, trying to adjust and bend to our new life.

Many different family and friends are here in this cloud with us, floating along side of us, but no one truly lives with us each day.  The days have shifted again, coloring themselves slightly darker and denser, and are a little less clear.  Each day brings new tasks to work through, and questions that are not easily answered.  Trust has become fleeting and uncertain.

These changes flow along the continuum of healing, and although difficult, are part of the process for recovery.  The hope is that his fear and frustration can be explained sufficiently, and that lingering confusion and doubt can be defeated.  This is a hard time to be the wife and caregiver, and my plan is to face this like any other part of this process - head on, with courage, and a plan to walk through the clouds to the sunshine.  Talking, reading, listening, writing - all good suggestions for coping with such big changes, but sometimes you just have to live through each phase.

Feeling is not a bad thing, but sometimes the feelings are bigger than we are.  You learn that you cannot always just push through it, you have to sit and stay a while, and learn what there is to learn.

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