April 20th, 2012

So much is going on in our lives that I find it hard to write some days - I miss it, and I need to make it a priority for me.  As I was reminded yesterday at a shoot with the Savage PD (thank you again for letting Frank come down and be with his teammates) I need to try and do some things for me occasionally.  It always takes me aback a bit when officers ask me how I am, and what am I doing for myself.  I tend to struggle with that question, as I am focused on what Frank needs, and truly, too focused on it, as I continue to realize as Frank gets more and more irritated with me.

Not in a bad way, but in a "thanks Mom" kind of way.  I cannot seem to stop my continued questioning, but it is hard when he does not tell me how he is doing.  But if I think back, he was never one to tell me if he was hurting, or tired or if anything was wrong.  Many LEO's are that way, and I had learned to just back off, or ask when I truly felt he might need something.  How many times did I come home to him being sick from a migraine?  He just tries to fight through things, and I am now trying to pick him apart.

We need to find the balance between wife and nag.  Okay, I need to find that balance.  The problem is that he still makes decisions that are not necessarily the smartest - I am not even going to write about the treadmill/gym incident, just know that it was ugly - and my goal is to keep him injury free through this process.  It would really be unfortunate if he got hurt now, and had to stop doing his workouts and therapy because of an injury.  But maybe that is the risk I need to take to allow him some freedom from me.

I will say this every day, head injuries are so hard.  What I wouldn't give for a few pelvic fractures right now.  I know, that doesn't make sense to a lot of people, but to a therapist, it means everything.  Pelvic fractures are painful, take forever to heal, and completely limit your mobility.  They limit you to the point of bedrest, sometimes for weeks at a time, and can make you crazy just waiting for things to heal. Right now, I would prefer a crabby, pain medicated irritable Frank that I could at least rationalize with.  Just for today, I would trade that out.  If I thought trying to argue with him before the accident was bad, now it is just loads of fun.

And the really great part is he does it on purpose.  So many times I catch him looking the other way smiling, and I want to kick him.  I called him on it, and he laughs and tells me "you are so easy."

What a brat, I might kick him today.

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