May 7th, 2012

Frank asked me  a funny question - "Do you go anywhere without that phone attached to you?"  My answer - of course, really?  I don't have my phone with me all the time, its just a phone.

However, it did bring it to my attention.  Do I bring my phone with me everywhere?  It's not like I take it to soccer - uh, hmmm.  Not in the bathroom - wrong.  Next to the bed?  Nope.  Apparently, I do take my phone with me - everywhere - it is always by my side.

I really did think that I had moved on from my obsessiveness that came out when Frank was first injured - my chair in the ICU, my backpack that I took with me everywhere, and my phone, that I had with me at every moment, in case the hospital needed to reach me.  Day or night, it was within reach at all times.

And apparently, it still is.....

I thought about breaking this habit, and it actually gives me a stomach ache to even think of leaving my phone somewhere.  It is not as if Frank is not with me 24 hours a day right now.  But I can feel the worry even as I write.  What if one of the kids needs me?  What if something happens and I need to call?

Clearly, thinking that life has returned to normal and I have no residual stress and anxiety is not true.  Gardening, shower, car, therapy, soccer - life is busy, but not normal.  Maybe never again, but being aware of something makes it easier to change.

But not today, and probably not tomorrow.  Ask me in a month.

Darn that Frank for pointing it out.

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