09-07-13

I am losing my time to blog and I feel as if I am missing the people that I have spent so much time getting to know.  I have not forgotten all of you.  I am here, living life with the chaos that is our household, and living in the world of brain injury each and every day.

What I am finding is that we are settling into some normal days, even with the start of school, new job opportunities for me, and trying to organize schedules for four children.  I have always said that I hate the phrase “new normal after a brain injury”, but I understand the concept.

The problem with that is that things are not finished.  The story isn’t over.  And the celebration, or the grieving for loss, has not truly begun.

With any other injury, decision may have already been made about returning to work, finishing a degree, or working part-time.  When you are in law enforcement, and you need to make life or death decisions every day, returning to work following a severe brain injury takes a long time.

Longer than anyone wants to wait.  Longer than Frank Mackall wants to wait.

But we wait.  We wait for further testing at the end of October.  We wait for other people to make decisions on his ability to make those life or death decisions.

And we begin to talk about the what if’s.

Another phrase not readily discussed until recently.

What if I can’t go back?

What if I can no longer work?

What if I can’t earn a living?

So many questions, asked by every survivor, every family member, everyone that has lived through this type of injury.  The life path changes for so many people following a brain injury, whether it is from an accident, an injury or an acquired brain injury such as a stroke.

We wait for the day when we have more answers.

And we pray that we will be able to live with them.

But until then, we attend soccer, and drive kids to school; we laugh at mistakes, and tease each other mercilessly.  We have fun, we have fights, and we have time.

Time.  The one thing we almost DIDN’T have.  Time is valuable, and probably the most valuable commodity that we have in our life right now.  More than our jobs, more than our money, more than anything we own.  The time we have together, and we try to make the most of it.

Without worry.

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