I have said it before and I will say it again - exhaustion is a tricky bastard. One minute you think things are going to be okay, and the next minute you are knocked on your butt and still trying to recover a week later. I know getting sick didn't help, and neither did poor sleep at night, but holy cow.
I am down for the count right now.
Too much going on, not enough me time, or "space" as it was referred to on Facebook today.
Don't I preach constantly about fatigue, not just over-doing it fatigue, but kids fatigue, caregiver fatigue? I am pretty sure I could find a few posts about both of those in here somewhere. So why is it I still cannot practice what I preach sometimes?
I will tell you why...
It is a habit. A bad habit. To be ultra busy allows you to not deal with some of the unpleasant or hard things in life. If you are busy, some things have to be cut out of a day, so why not drop and ignore the hard stuff? Seems pretty rational to me. If you are a person that likes to get things done, this is also a way for self-fulfillment and to get things checked off of a list - and that feels soooo good.
It is time for a hard re-evaluation again of my time, my priorities, my life and my heart. I know I am now happiest when I settle in to the quiet, and listen to the whispers around me. When I trust in the process of each day, and each step forward, instead of trying force my way down the path that I think I should be on.
I know we do best as a family when I am not frantic with worry, over-scheduled, and available to my family for what they need. What my family needs the most often from me right now is my time.
And how precious time is these days.
Time to stop being a hard core doer again for a bit, and to sit back and listen as spring arrives. Time to listen to my family, and to hear their needs from me. Time to find my space, my blank spots on the calendar, and to stop filling them in.
Time to revisit my own blog, and to listen to my own advice.