As I sit here trying to plan out my week, I have come to the realization that I am tired. Tired in way that I have not felt in many months. It took some time to figure out what had changed recently to make me feel that way, and once I figured it out, I understood more why things have been so exhausting.
When you put your energy into something - 100% of your energy toward a goal, when you finally get there, and it passes, your body let's go of all of that pent up support and focus that it has been holding on to. When that happens, the body relaxes, and when it does, it finally realizes that maybe that energy was not real energy you had to spare.
I remember coming home from college each Christmas really happy that finals were over, and I could spend some time hanging out with my friends again. What often happened after a few days was that I would sleep almost all day, and I always got sick. My body just needed a little permission to let go, and relax, and I crashed.
I think that is what is happening now that we are passed the neuropsych test phase of things. I know that Frank needs more time to recover, and we can enter the next phase of our lives. Truly, the mark for us wasn't really that one year anniversary, but the results of this test. I know many of you want the specifics, but it is not possible to summarize that information. The end result is that Frank needs more time to recover. Period.
The hard part is that he wants no part of that plan - and I don't blame him at all.
It has been hard enough to be away from his team and his department this long - and to know it could be months before he can be back, is heartbreaking, and exhausting to think about.
This is another one of those things that I wish I could make better, and easier, but truly, we all need to live each day one day at a time, and not wish it away, because we just might miss something important.
It is hard to tell that to someone that feels like he is missing out on the best parts of his life. I just hope that we can all figure this plan out together, and make the best of this situation, and use it to fulfill whatever purpose our life plan has for us.