01-29-2013

I had such a brain fart the other day - I cooked a whole chicken in the slow cooker so I could use it in recipes this week. I was so excited that I would be far ahead as the week started. As I woke up Monday morning and headed in to the kitchen, I realized that I left the chicken in the cooker all night. Cold chicken.

So mad.

What that moment told me is that I continue to try to pack so many things into each day, and try to force myself to remember so many pieces, and hold so many threads at once, that things drop off.

Like a whole chicken.

There are days that I feel like I am the one with the brain injury. I have heard that comment from others living with a seriously injured spouse - that moment in the day when you realize you have different colored shoes on at work, and you think "Yep, I have officially lost it!."

Frank is often asked in our family counseling sessions "How do you think Lisa is doing?" He usually answers that he thinks I have too much going on, I am adding things in to every day that I should not add, and the support things and the website are just more things I am adding to an already very busy schedule.

From his vantage point, I can see how he would perceive that as too much. Frank was not with me when I had the significant change in my life - the moment when I realized life had completely jumped the track, and I had no future plans or ideas of what or where we would go. I think it is difficult to explain those huge shifts in life thought unless you have experienced one yourself.

That moment when you realize it is okay to walk away from some high powered, corporate lawyer job and become a professional gardener. When you leave the job after spending 6 years of your life obtaining the degree needed to perform it, and start a business making cupcakes.

Those are the moments when you take your life, YOUR life, and do with it what you want. That choice - dropping what you know and is secure, and moving out of that safety net - is terrifying.

A leap of faith is never easy to take. You read stories every day about someone leaving their job, packing up their kids, and heading to Florida to fish in the Keys for a living. How do people do that? Where do they find the trust for that?

That trust is within ourselves.

That voice, our own voice, can be heard, if we sit still long enough to hear it. I hear that voice often, when I purposely sit still long enough to focus on what I want, and where I want to be. I know Frank hears his own voice - the voice that keeps him focused on his goal, his gym routine, and his grueling schedule of computer tasks and exercises.

We all have that inner voice that can help us look at what we really want. It just takes trust, and the ability to differentiate between THAT voice, and the voice that degrades us, brings us down, and or tells us we are not good enough to get what we want.

Now I fully expect some smart ass friend of mine to comment that I really should seek help for the voices in my head. Bring it on people, I can take it :) All kidding aside, think about it, are you really doing what you want to do??

And if not, WHY NOT??

LisabethMackall.com

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